Triggered? Good.

We all know the feeling. Someone says something, and suddenly - boom! You’re not just reacting. You’re in it. Tight chest. Heat in the face. Sharp words or silent withdrawal. You’ve been triggered.

And while part of you might want to push it away, blame the other, or stay in control... this is where the work begins.

Because here’s the thing: Triggers are messengers from the unconscious. They show you where a past experience still lives in the present. A wound that wasn’t seen. A part of you that got stuck. A belief you’ve internalized so deeply that you forget it’s not the truth.

Being triggered isn’t a failure of emotional regulation. It’s a sign that something unresolved in your emotional memory has just been touched. Often without your consent or awareness.

Why This Reaction Feels Bigger Than the Situation

In psychology, we talk about emotional schemas. These are deep, internal frameworks that shape how we interpret the world based on past experience. If your early environment taught you that anger means rejection, or that mistakes bring punishment, or that your needs are "too much"- your nervous system stores that.

Then, years later, when someone rolls their eyes, questions your decision, or doesn’t reply to your message - you’re not reacting to them. You are reacting to the meaning your system assigned long ago.

You’re not crazy. You’re consistent.

Triggers Are Emotional Time Travel

They take you out of the present moment and drop you into a younger, unprocessed emotional state. You might feel 5, or 12, or 19 again. This is where coaching meets deep inner work. Because in those moments, you’re not just reacting. You are reliving.

The person in front of you becomes a symbol: Your parent. Your boss. Your ex. And your reaction makes perfect sense, just not in the current context.

How to Work With It (Instead of Around It)

1. Name the emotional shift: What changed in you when the trigger hit? Shame? Anger? Fear? Labeling the feeling helps regulate the nervous system.

   
   

2. Identify the original story: What does this moment remind you of? Where in your past did you learn that this behavior (or emotion) wasn’t safe?

   
   

3. Speak from the adult, not the child: That younger version in you deserves care - but they shouldn’t drive your decisions. Ask yourself: What does the adult version of me need right now?

   
   

4. Hold the trigger as a clue: Not a verdict, not a punishment. A doorway into something that wants your attention.

   
   

5. Choose a new response consciously. Now that you see the trigger for what it is, you get to decide how to respond from a grounded place. Maybe that means setting a boundary. Maybe it means saying, “This touched something in me and therefore I need a moment.”You’re no longer reacting from an old wound. You’re responding from awareness.

   
   

A Note on Responsibility

This doesn’t mean others are off the hook. Abusive or toxic behavior is real. Naming your triggers is never a justification for tolerating harm. But if we want to grow, we also need to own the part of the reaction that belongs to us. Because that’s where our power is. That’s where real freedom begins.

So next time you feel the fire rise, don’t rush to extinguish it. Sit with it. Breathe. Listen. Because sometimes that discomfort is your psyche whispering:“Here. This is where it still hurts. Let’s not ignore it anymore.”

And when you start meeting your own pain with awareness instead of avoidance, something shifts. You stop being at the mercy of your reactions and start becoming the author of your response.