Ambivalence: The Wisdom in Not Knowing

We live in a world that loves certainty. Make a decision. Take a stand. Be clear. Be fast.

But what happens when your heart says one thing, and your mind another? When you want both freedom and security? When you feel drawn to stay and leave, to speak up and stay quiet, to act and wait?

That, right there, is ambivalence. And it doesn’t mean you’re stuck. It means you’re human.

Ambivalence Isn't a Problem to Fix

We often treat ambivalence like a glitch in the system. Something to “get over” quickly so we can move forward. But ambivalence is rarely a sign of weakness - it’s a sign that multiple values are alive in you at the same time.

Maybe you care deeply about loyalty and authenticity. Maybe you long for adventure, but also fear losing what grounds you. Maybe you’re craving change, but also grieving what that change might cost.

Ambivalence holds complexity. And complexity means you’re not asleep at the wheel.

The Power of Holding Two Truths

In coaching, I often see people wrestling with inner contradictions.“I want to speak up, but I don’t want to hurt anyone.”“I want to quit, but I’m afraid of regret.”“I want something more - but maybe this should be enough.”

These aren’t signs of confusion. They’re signs of inner tension between truths that both matter. Real growth doesn’t always come from solving the tension, but from learning to hold it with curiosity.

To ask: What does each side want for me? What are the fears underneath? What values are speaking through this tug-of-war?

Ambivalence Is a Portal

Ambivalence isn’t a wall - it’s a doorway. It invites you to pause, reflect, and listen more deeply. Sometimes, clarity emerges when you stop trying to force it. Sometimes, the act of staying in the in-between is the growth.

What if the goal isn’t to be decisive at all costs? What if the goal is to be aligned - even if it takes time to get there?

There’s a kind of courage in saying, “I don’t know yet.” And there’s wisdom in choosing not to rush.

How to Work With Ambivalence (Instead of Fighting It)

Here are three coaching-inspired ways to engage with ambivalence:

Name both sides.Give each voice in you a seat at the table. Write them out. Let them speak. You might be surprised by what they’re really trying to say.
Zoom out. Instead of obsessing over the right choice, ask: Who do I want to be in how I navigate this? What values do I want to honor in this process?
Experiment. You don’t have to commit forever. Take a small step in one direction and observe what shifts. Sometimes clarity comes from movement - not from more thinking.

It's Okay Not to Know

Ambivalence is uncomfortable. It stretches us. It slows us down when the world tells us to speed up. But it’s also rich territory. A place of depth, integrity, and honest self-inquiry.

If you’re sitting in that space right now - unsure, pulled in different directions - know this: You’re not broken. You’re alive. And something meaningful is trying to take shape.

Give it space. Stay with yourself. And if you’d like someone to walk alongside you as you listen deeper - I’m here.